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So when they ask in interviews about me,  exactly how good am I?

I don't like to brag but ...

When I go swimming I don't get wet, the water gets "Me'd".

When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks in his closet for me.

I've counted to infinity - twice.

I invented every colour. Except pink (Tom Cruise invented pink).

When I do a push-up, I'm not lifting myself up; I'm pushing the earth down.

My hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

I gave Mona Lisa that smile.

I can slam a revolving door.

I once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now 'The Islands'.

My calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd... no one fools Me.

I can speak Braille.

My tears cure cancer. Too bad I've never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of My pyjamas.

I own the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped me win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite just holding a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the Game Uno.

I sleep with a night light. Not because I am afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Me.

I can divide by zero.

When I exercise, it's the machine that gets stronger.

I don't use pickup lines, I simply say, "Now."

I can kill two stones with one bird.

I once had an erection while lying face down. I struck oil.

The only time I was wrong was when I thought I had made a mistake.