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Blakeys BlogThe strange workings of the mind of one Christopher Blake.... July 25 Can you smile?Some interesting observations! 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? 9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men? 15. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. 16. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went bonkers. 17. Ever wonder about those people who spend $3.00 a unit on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE. 18. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 19. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one of them enjoys it? 20.....Did you forget your troubles for 2 minutes? Then enjoy the rest of the day.
"Blakey"
May 17 Thats enough about me... How about you talk about me.OK I'ts a joke.. Really
S So when they ask in interviews about me, exactly how good am I?
I don't like to brag but ...
When I go swimming I don't get wet, the water gets "Me'd".
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks in his closet for me.
I've counted to infinity - twice.
I invented every colour. Except pink (Tom Cruise invented pink).
When I do a push-up, I'm not lifting myself up; I'm pushing the earth down.
My hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
I gave Mona Lisa that smile.
I can slam a revolving door.
I once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now 'The Islands'.
My calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd... no one fools Me.
I can speak Braille.
My tears cure cancer. Too bad I've never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of My pyjamas.
I own the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped me win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite just holding a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the Game Uno.
I sleep with a night light. Not because I am afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Me.
I can divide by zero.
When I exercise, it's the machine that gets stronger.
I don't use pickup lines, I simply say, "Now."
I can kill two stones with one bird.
I once had an erection while lying face down. I struck oil.
The only time I was wrong was when I thought I had made a mistake. March 20 Helsinki is Not the Arse End of the WorldIt may not be but you can certainly see it from there! As a member of the progressive European Union I must say that as a place to visit... Unless you are into grey... as in grey buildings.. grrey weather.. grey people.... It's not a great place to be. Conversation as a skill appears to be lacking.. In fact.. Silence is golden here.. Which makes it a fantasic experience.. if you like that... And with aworking day that is strictly 9 to 5 (on a good day)..... I mean.. I saw an entire ofice of 220 people evacuate before 5.05pm.... Only on eperson left in teh building?.... Work life balance is one thing, but a focus on doing an absolute minimum is a worry What else can I say? "Blakey" March 19 Helsinki and ITS SNOWING!Just thought I would rub it in a bit. Got to Helsinki last night and it was snowing!.. OK so whats the big deal?. Well I never seen it snow... I know. .. I Know.. I have led a sheltered life. So even though it was St Patrick's Day I felt I had to stay inside ny the fire and eat Riendeer Stew with Elk Sausages, Yum... Today the sun shone this morning, so got a few snaps (See photo Album) and yes! It's snowing again now!. Must go roll around naked in the snow and then find an Ice Bar to have a few drinks in. "Blakey" March 13 AmsterdamAs they say in Austin Powers… Would you like…. …..a schmoke and a pancake, …….how about a cigar and a waffle, ……..maybe a pipe and a crepe, .. . . . .or a bong and a blintz!" Or in Amsterdam…. …. A Coffee and a Joint al la carte. . . . Not that I partook… But….. I hear you just make your selection from the pre-packed consumer items when you order your latte.. and They swipe the Bar Code on the back with the scanner. (notice all the consumer information included!) You Pay your 4 euro…. (and another 3 for the Latte) . . . . .And then another 25 euro later for a packed of twisties, 15 euro for a chico roll, and then 30 Euro for a pinapple and anchovy pizza!....lol And Bobs your Uncle…. Just be carefull is asking for a Coffee and Cake…… I hear they taste terrible! When will the Bean Bar catch on?.. lol “Blakey”
March 05 Munich is almost BlokeswordMunich . . The place were a 6 pack of beer at the local supermarket costs 1.69 Euro or around $A3!
Munich . . The place were massive amounts of meat and associated by products are tastefully & proudly on display in numerous shop windows (& not a veggie burger or lentil in sight) - see picture
Munich . . The place where women can easily carry 6, 1.1 litre Steins of the amber liquid to the table to serve their men folk.
Ahh.. all they need now is a few Aussie BBQ's on the street corners, Golden Circle Sliced Beetroot for the Salad, at least one TV channel in english, and maybe some decent cricket or footie matches on TV.. lol
OK.. maybe I would trade all the above in for just one decent English TV channel!
I mean Star Trek in German is just not the same.. ;)
"Blakey" March 03 In Memory of Teofil Baluch and the Horrors of DachuaBorn on 7th September 1925 in Orzechowice Urkrania, Teofil was unfortunately living in a border town, and with the borders continually shifting, the village became part of the Polish Prymisi region prior to WWII. While preparing to train as a Russian Orthodox priest, he was forcibly taken from the monastery by the SS and placed into forced labour in Munich. Working underground for 15 hours a day on the VI and VII Rockets he got together with some other young men in 1944 and planned to sabotage the plant. Unfortunately the initaitve failed yet despite constant and brutal interrogation by the SS they could not find enough evidence to implicate him directly in the act. As a suspect the then 19 year old Teofil was therefore sent to Dachau Concentration Camp near Munich in Bavaria (now Germany), being interned on the 17th March 1945. Upon entering the camp, he had to progress through a line of SS Troops taken from the adjoining camp and be subjected to racial taunts and physical abuse before being processed in the induction centre. Here he was removed of all personal belongings including his clothes and subjected to further physical and verbal abuse before being allocated a workgroup and hut. As the Gestapo destroyed all records it is not known which hut he was allocated, but it would have been either the ones at the back of camp (reserved for clergy) or with his fellow Polish Internees near the centre of the camp who numbered in the thousands. The huts were placed in rows parallel to road that ran the length of the camp. Poplar trees were planted down this road which together with the carefully manicured gardens located in front of the administration centre, gave everyone outside (including the International Red Cross who visited in the 1940's) the impression that Dachau was indeed a work camp for the repatriation of dissidents and undesirables to the German Third Reich. With SS Barracks surrounding most of the camp, and with the Herb Gardens located on the other side, direct visibility of the interior of the camp by those living outside was extremely limited. As a "Protected Custody" internee, or "Schultzhaftling" (which is a catch all classification given at that time), with an internee number 146209 (meaning he was the 146,208th internee placed in these camps) he was decreed by the Gestapo to be ""NAL" or "Nicht aus dem Lager". This meant that he was not to work in any of the sub camps set up around Dachua at that time. He was clearly considered a flight risk, and as a known dissident to beliefs of the Third Reich, he was immediately classified in Dachau as someone who needed to be under constant, direct supervision by the Gestapo. Consequently he was put to work within the camp witnessing unspeakable acts imposed by the SS Guards against his fellow prisoners and humanity in general. At one stage he was even forced to extract the gold from the teeth of the internees who had died or had been executed before mass burial, and carry the bodies in a wooden wheelbarrow to mass graves on site. During his incarceration, oil was in such short supply that the dreaded Crematorium was forced to shut down, meaning the bodies of those who dies or were executed were piled high in the crematorium body room, awaiting transportation to mass graves that were dug just outside the prison boundaries. He survived repeated beatings that started on his entering the camp, and was tortured on more than one occasion with pieces of glass actually being stiched into his left hand to ensure that he favored his right. Left in Latin is “Sinister”, and to favour one’s left hand by the Gestapo and members of the Third reich was considered un-natural. The largest piece of Glass removed from his left after liberation being one and a half inches by half an inch, so we can only speculate as the type of pain he was in. It is apparent that Teofil spent at least some time in the Bunker within Dachua where he would have been stripped naked, and forced onto a table so that the SS could beat his back and buttocks. Punishment in this instance being likely for anything as trivial as failing to have his dinner plate scrubbed sparkling clean, or even having an SS Guard on his work detail not like the way he walked, or the way he looked. The consistent bashings he received over this time resulted in permanent damage to his ears and buttocks which he carried for the rest of his life. Teofil was liberated from Dacha by the American 20th Armored Division during 1945, suffering from Typhoid, weighing less than 6 stone (48Kg) while being 6ft (182cm) tall, after witnessing and surviving unspeakable horrors. Despite having evidence and written statements of the atrocities committed, the European Authorities at the time confiscated all evidence that he managed to gather before allowing him to leave Germany. They just wanted it all to go away. After liberation, the Occupying American Forces used Dachua as a placement camp for refugees before turning into a Barracks for the Occupying Army. In 1962, the crematorium was designated as a Memorial to the site, yet the actual site was not designated as a memorial until the early 2000's. A museum now exists on the site of the former administrative centre. At the rear of the camp, a nunnery has been created with a memorial for the Russian Orthodox people who were interned. More recent additions have seen memorials for the Jews, and other interned created at the rear of the former camp. Today, up to 4,000 people a day during summer visit the site. Upon exiting the site there are a number of volunteers who have set up a survey site, questioning only those of German origin as to the visit to the site. Simply put, I believe that not denial as to what happened, but a desire to "want it all to go away", has been prevalent for many many years. Only now, some 60 years later, do I believe that there is becoming a wide spread acceptance within Germany as to what happened. That said, it is important NOT to view the atrocities at Dachu and all the other camps during WWII as a crime by the German people against humanit. Instead it is a crime by all humanity evidenced through the broader reluctance by all nationalities to take action at that time. Responsibility for the existence Dachua rests with all nationalities. What happened in the Concentration Camps was suspected and known by many at the time though they chose to turn a blind eye. As for Teofil, after spending some time working in mines in Europe, he then moved to Australia via Freemantle and eventually settled in Port Augusta after a brief stint in Adelaide. I have posted photos taken at the Dachua Concentration Camp Memorial site in my photo album. Please view them. As you can tell I visited the site of the Dachua Concentration Camp Memeorial site today, spent some time with the archivists, and have walked upon the same ground he did with the thousands of others who were before him..... but god knows I will never be able to feel the pain or see the horrors they did during that time. I also prey that I never will. "NEVER AGAIN" "Blakey" March 02 World Discover Tour via EuropeNot quiet but it seems like it wih 6 countrie sin 3 weeks. Good thing Im used to plane travel and enjoy it.
Just to kick things off (As Ive not been blogging for 6 months now) and to ease you al back into my worped way of thinking (lol) here's a few shots I got in Munich on Thursday.
Despite the wind, rain and cold I did get outside.
If only to find a nice warm beer hall with a Opmpa band playing. . . . Ahh the things you do as a tourist.
Enjoy the Gothic Pictures taken from the cathdreals etc in Munich.. More later (and not of beer halls Rocky!)..
BTW.. Its hard work drinking here. With 1.1 Litre Steins it gets hard to keep lifting them up.. Definately need a Beer wench back home to help Grant and me out. These babes carry 4 to 6 at a time!.... And they look like they could carry more.. lol
Blakey November 14 Local Firm Makes GoodCheck it out!
Local Manufactuiring company VAF in partnership with Microsoft around the Zune launch!
Mr Vaf.... Well done!
Blakey October 22 SDM 4x4 2006Just finished the gruelling 36 hour SDM 4x4 Road Trip.
The driving was great. The catering brilliant and the company was even better!
But... 7 slabs, one dozen red, 6 white and 2 bottles of superior Port during the evening debrief left me slightly worse for wear.
Great time guys..
(See updated photo album)
Blakey Talking about Unknown sailor's remains found | NEWS.com.au
THE remains of the unknown sailor believed to be the sole survivor of Australia's most enduring wartime mystery – the sinking of HMAS Sydney off Western Australia – have been unearthed on Christmas Island in the Indian Ocean. The Defence Department last night confirmed that bones had been discovered in the island's Old European Cemetery by a navy-led team of experts and, once removed, would be taken to Sydney for further forensic tests in an attempt to establish identity. The discovery is yet another piece to a puzzle that has fascinated and frustrated historians for more than half a century. The find is the only known link to the Sydney, last seen off Shark Bay, before it was believed to have been sunk on November 19, 1941, by the German raider Kormoran. All 645 men on board perished, making it the biggest maritime disaster in Australia's history. The on ething that is missing from the story reported in the Australian is that the body washed ashore was beleived to be wearing the uniform of a Leading Stoker. With only 4 of this rank on the Sydney and with teh Defence Department already having DNA samples from the living relatives of the families already, expect identification very soon. So... a 4 in 1 chance they have actually found my Uncle..... John Sholdis Blake... I await the results. Quote Unknown sailor's remains found | NEWS.com.au August 31 Talking about Car crashes as Chinese woman gives dog driving lessons. 29/08/2006. ABC News OnlineChinese state media says a Chinese woman's attempt to teach her dog how to drive proved a costly error, as her car crashed into an oncoming vehicle. Xinhua news agency reports no one - including the dog - was injured, but both vehicles were slightly damaged. Xinhua says the accident happened recently in the city of Hohhot, capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region. The woman, surnamed Li, had noticed how fond the dog was of crouching on the wheel, and thought it should have a go at steering the car. She herself operated the accelerator and the brake.
Quote Car crashes as Chinese woman gives dog driving lessons. 29/08/2006. ABC News Online August 30 Question.. Which Organisation does this apply to?Does the following apply to the ARL OR AFL?
36 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time for assault 71 repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It’s neither!
It's the 535 members of the AUSTRALIAN PARLIAMENT IN CANBERRA!
The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line. August 22 Another School Joke....A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, is delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky ?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth- grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... August 21 URL naming gone mad!The top 10 unintentionally worst company URL'S
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable, however, to look at the domain name selected as others see it and not just as you or your marketing advisor think it looks.
Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:
The Top Ten "Opps I should have double checked the naming" sites
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name(c) wait for it(c) is www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com August 17 Just to show Im not totally sexist.... ;)
Just to show Im a sensitive new age type of guy.. thought I would relent and put up a Anti-male story.. Not that I agree with that in the least!.
Men are like.... 1. Men are like ... Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like . Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Ha.... If that's the best that can be done.... I have nooooooooo woories.
Blakey August 16 Travelling can be funSpending more and more time away from Adelaide does have it drawbacks, but it can be iteresting as well.
Well for example, the other day I was in Sydney and I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a visitor a break?" He totally ignored me and continued writing the ticket... So.. I called him a Paper Shuffling turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day when travelling and this was a huge hit with me.. It's important at my age.
"Blakey" August 15 i'm BackOK, after quiet a few weeks away travelling SE Asia (For Work of Course).. I'm back..... Lucky people you... lol.
Just added a new Photo Album of the Bennets Forest Downhilling Race over the weekend. Of course I'm not racing... But the Kids are!
Blakey April 28 WomeneseA Dictionary of Womanese 1. "Fine" This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.) 2. "Five minutes" This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade. 3. "Nothing" Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. 6. "Loud Sigh" This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!." 7. "Soft Sigh" Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer. 8. "Oh" This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow. "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them. 9. "That's Okay" This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble. > 10. "Please Do" This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." 11. "Thanks" The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome." 12. "Thanks A Lot" "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing. April 10 Talking about Cameron's BrainCameron Reily discusses publicity and how times are a changing...
Well the Podcastnetwork has now reached India!.
Check out the picture I came across of one (very smooth looking) dude and his less educated mate..... I'm refering to the smooth guy in the Black Podcast Network T-Shirt... The ultimate fashion accessory for the travelling executive.
And in front of the Taj Mahal...
Someone should get his mate a Podcast T-Shirt..... he'll never make the grade in business unless he does.
Quote Cameron's Brain March 27 Contagious - DefinitionA teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.?
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious".
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round and it's contagious".
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?? Little Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish accent,
"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch Brush
and my Dad says it will take the contagious." New Computer VirusVIRUS ALERT I thought you should be alerted to this email virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect mainly those who were born prior to 1960. Symptoms: 1. Causes you to send the same email twice. 2. Causes you to send a blank email. 3. Causes you to send email to the wrong person. 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. 7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." 8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS." March 22 Only in QueenslandFrom the state where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said; "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy". March 17 Rejected names for the movie now called Brokeback MountainBaloney Pony Bareback Mounting Bone-Nanza Butch Assidy And The Bundance Kid Cowboys The Good, The Bad, And The Fabulous Silver-Rod-Owww Destry Rides Again... And Again Doc's Holiday With Billy The Kid Don't Mess With Tex' Ass He Wore A Yellow Ribbon Hi, Plains Drifter! Home On The Ranger Jeremiah's Johnson Little Bathhouse On The Prairie Lonesome Doug Mccabe And Mr. Miller Oklahomo On How The West Was Hung Paint Your Fag Prances With Wolves Quickly Down Under Rodeo Tubesteak Rooster Cockburn The Hoarse Soldiers The Legend Of The Long Ranger The Magnificent Seven Inches The Man Who Shot All Over Liberty Valance The Pleasure Of The Sierra, Padre The Wild Brunch Very Raw Hide
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